^ You have been warned.
So.... I feel the need to get real about something here.
There were many things in Herland that bothered me. It bugged me that the women there are nothing like women in reality. It bothered me more to think of a race of people with practically no faults and by extension missing many virtues. It bothered me even more that they had no passions beyond inclinations and motherly love, and that affection and intimacy between adults was unknown to them. But I draw the freaking line in the sand over SEX.
Ok.... so they are bizarre asexual dual gender ex-women, but I just can't let them represent female kind.
As most posts of mine, this is 'something of great personal irritation to me' (which is totally becoming my battle cry here. *does Tarzan impression*). Frankly, I've never been able to accept that men and women are that different. Lets break it down though, just for me to be clear. In a physical sense, there are some differences. There are the obvious sexual organ differences. Men tend to be larger in limb and body frame then women. Women tend to have broader hips and are CAPABLE (not saying that they actually possess it) of greater flexibility and agility then men. Men on the other hand tend to have broader shoulders and are CAPABLE (re-previous statement) of greater muscular strength. Women have more estrogen, men have more testosterone. Women mature sooner than men in body and brains- but men catch up after a few years.
Do girlies have to like pink and flowers and sugar and spice and niceness? Nope
Do 'dudes' have to like cars and explosions and videogames with both those things in them? Nope.
.
Do WOMEN exist who like video games? You're reading the rant of one.
Do MEN exist who like a nice flower garden as much as the next girlie? Yeah, they are actually out there, and no, they don't have to be gay!
But what does that actually change about our intellectual lives? Or even our instinctual lives? Do we actually want different things out of life? Are our thought patterns really that different? Do we actually have different 'needs'? OOOORRR could it be all that 'society' nonsense that we keep perpetuating for no reason through out all our history just because some idiots had some nasty ideas way back when and convinced a bunch of people they were right?
No. Our minds are our own, each individual. Women are not tailor made to certain pursuits and neither are men. Everyone has their own gifts in different areas, man or woman. Some PEOPLE are better at science. Some PEOPLE are better at medicine. Some PEOPLE are excellent artists. Some PEOPLE are good with kids. Most PEOPLE like sex, a lot!
BREAKING NEWS: MEN AREN'T HALF SO HORNY AS THEY THINK THEY HAVE TO ACT, AND WOMEN ARE MUCH HORNIER THAN PEOPLE GENERALLY ARE COMFORTABLE ADMITTING.
And the best bit is that the sexual drive is exactly the same in both genders. It's our residual animal brains telling us to reproduce. Its not girls wanting to be moms and guys wanting to feel nice and then fall asleep. Men want sex because they want to be Daddies on a subconscious level. Get over it. I didn't write the biological imperative, I am just sayin' it.
But here is the real kicker for me. Since time immemorial, we seem to have one view on sex- its shameful. There are lots of different ways to describe it- dirty being one. Even the people that get a real thrill of the idea of sex being dirty are only reveling in how 'wrong' it's supposed to be. But seriously people? Is it?
I hate the idea of sex always being 'dirty.' I equally hate the idea of sex being strictly for procreation ***hint hint, this might have been what set me off........ again.*** Between two people who truly love, trust, and care for each other, sex takes on a totally different roll. It is intimacy. It is comfort. An affirmation of shared emotion and passion. Of course there is also pleasure, and why not? What's really supposed to be so scary or so wrong about that? I take pleasure in eating a nice ice cream, but I don't blush and hide the fact that I enjoy it.
I will say that 'free love' and 'casual sex' disgust me. But not for the usual reasons exactly. Not to be all judgey here, but it seems sacrilegious to me. Sexual intimacy without love seems to me something like praying at the alter of a god you don't believe in... or rather more like dumping a load of stinky garbage on it.At that point it ceases to be about sharing or giving pleasure and becomes about taking it at a cost to yourself. It may be that some people lose self respect. But it always seems to me that even if you are truly shameless that you still destroy most of your chances at it being special and wonderful if you ever do have a shot at sharing it with the right person.
Maybe I was raised with all kinds of bizarre ideas, but I think of sex as something incredible. Mystical even. I think its pretty freaking bizarre for a MARRIED couple in LOVE to not desire that level of intimacy. Why would you not wish to share something like that? Something so fundamentally human? And why oh why oh why does a feminist writer have to make her perfect women baby wanting prudes? Of course, that is the real problem with them anyway, isnt it? They are essentially automatons. They want to make and raise babies, and then die to give them some space. Humans need love! Real stupid messy crazy passionate love that doesn't make sense to anyone but the lovers.
Of course, Terry's violation of the trust in his relationship is perhaps the worst breach possible. I won't even begin to discuss that or I'll never stop writing long enough to publish this.
People say you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else, yes? But most people willfully refuse to know themselves or understand their real nature and prefer to squeeze themselves into narrow little boxes with labels on. This one says manly. This one says girly. This one says 'jock' and this one says 'nerd.' We are actually beautiful, messy, crazy things called HUMAN BEINGS. I am almost sick of hearing myself sing this song now, but WHY CAN'T WE ACCEPT WHO WE ARE AS INDIVIDUALS AND MOOOOOVEEEEE OOOOOON?!
How are we supposed to try to create a better world when we won't acknowledge our true natures? Women pretending to be 'hard to get' or 'on a pillar' or god knows what and men thinking that other men will judge them as sissypants if they don't go chasing after skirts like one male dog locked in a room with a dozen females in heat?
We are animals. We like sex. Accept it, pick your own personal moral code about it, and throw gender rules right out the window, because they are Grade A Bullshit.
This was a really great post. I actually agree with most of it.
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